everytime i hear the words, " have faith", i smile. you know why? because thats all i have got. i have lost dreams. i have lost courage. i have lost happiness. all that is left with me is faith. faith in god that he will listen to me some day. sure he would listen. but the thing which is funniest is that i dont know what to say to him. what to ask him. i may be sounding confused! or may be out of my mind. but that is exactly how i am feeling right now. daily whenever i sit in front of the idol of god, i simply keep looking at him. i see him smiling. i dont know the reason behind his smile. i know that god loves me and will pull me out of this. but when? what does he think is the limit of my patience and my pain bearing capacity?
everytime life seems to be quite, it turns out to be the peace before the storms. i had thought that maybe after all that i have gone through was because i had to arrive at this. something which gave me peace and smiles. but that also is ruined. its like when you are finishing a race you suddenly realize that there is one more lap to go. one more struggle to survive. i know i will survive. but the part of my own soul which is dying bit by bit with each pasing day is never going to come back. i am never going to be what i used to be. its very hard to observe closely and see a small scrap of your own self turning into ashes everyday. these may seem to be mere words but this is exactly how i am feeling now a days. i dont want to let this happen but i cant help it.
i will try to keep fighting. i promise. i will win. and will try to mend my broken hopes and dreams.