Read a post on LinkedIn where Cadbury has launched a campaign to raise awareness about increasing loneliness among older people. As per the pact, Cadbury has removed the company name, product name and any other words from the packaging and has kept only the purple cover and the half logo with two cups. The point is to donate the words to people who need to hear them. An intriguing initiative I would say.
Loneliness as per me is not just increasing among the older people. We can see it's effects among all age groups, from kids 6-7 years of age to the elders. I had a very detailed discussion with an 8 year old recently about what he wants people to improve on. This happened after he got into a fight with his parents and told them they do not understand! Parents, who as per the child, are not able to understand his 8 year old point of view! So when he had calmed down some after having 2 bowls of ice-cream, I asked him what did he mean. He patiently explained that most of the times when he gets into a mischief, he knows that he has done something he was not supposed to as soon as he has done it. And now the dilemma occurs whether to tell or not, whether to accept the mistake or not. Because apparently, this kid has already made a pact with himself never to repeat that mistake as he knows the consequences now. But if he tells his parents, he will be punished even after learning the lesson and feeling guilty. And if he does not tell, isn't that lying? he wonders. The wistfulness in his voice is heart-breaking when he says, "I wish there was someone who could understand this feeling. I feel so lonely sometimes."
The next discussion was with a cousin who is a girl of 28 whose parents are scanning the matrimonial sites day and night to find a good match for her. They have their own list of filter criteria like age, education, religion, caste, family back-ground and what not. But when the girl says that she wants to check the sunsign of these prospective grooms to see if she will ever be compatible with them, a heated debate follows where parents trash this idea as absurd. This cousin of mine is scared and puzzled. She is a shy creature with an eccentric personality and tremendous potential to achieve greatness. When she talks about the situation she says, "How can they be sure that an educated and religious guy will always be great but find it weird that sunsign may also be a good approach to check compatibility. Haven't we seen some examples in our family where all these factors proved irrelevant when some couples were concerned. Why can't they try to look at the things from this angle for once. What if I get stuck with someone who has no regard for my way of life. Why does no one understand where I am coming from. Oh, I feel so lonely sometimes".
Ironically, the next discussion that I had was with this girl's mother. She says she just wants to ensure her daughter's safe and secure future. She knows that her criteria are not fool-proof but is confident that they work ninety percent of the times. She however has no idea what this sunsign crap is and has no intention of exploring something that she deems inconsequential. She however is heartbroken over her daughter's frustration and anger towards her and says , " I know what is good for her. I am trying my best to ensure her happiness. I am willing to adjust some of the factors if I am convinced that they will deliver a better result. I am ready to fight the whole world, including my husband if it's required to keep my child safe. Why doesn't she understand that. Why doesn't anyone understand that. Oh, I feel so lonely sometimes,"
And last but not the least, I remember the far away look in my grand-mother's eyes whenever we went for walks after my grandfather, her husband of 60 years passed away. She never suspected her family's love and devotion for her. She sometimes said that we all have given her immense strength to continue. But she had lost that will to live when my Nana left. Though she never would have said that in words, she felt extremely lonely in-spite of the crowd surrounding her till the day she herself passed away.
So what is this stage that we all have come to? And where do we go from here? How do we start feeling more connected, heard, understood and less lonely. I guess the only way is to start with one conversation at a time, full of empathy and a will to listen, absorb, analyse and then respond. Those of us, who still can act should take up this responsibility and start reaching out to their loved ones. Otherwise loneliness is something that will kill all of us brutally, and long before any other climatic and environmental conditions gets a chance to complete the task.
Ending this post with some lines from my favorite author
इसका सोचा भी ना था अबके जो तन्हा गुज़री
वह क़यामत ही गनीमत थी जो यकजा गुज़री
आ गले तुझको लगा लूँ मेरे प्यारे दुश्मन
एक मेरी बात नहीं, तुझपे भी क्या क्या गुज़री
मेरी तन्हा-सफ़री मेरा मुक्कदर थी 'फ़राज़ '
वर्ना इस शहरे-तमन्ना से तो दुनिया गुज़री
(अहमद फ़राज़ )
Loneliness as per me is not just increasing among the older people. We can see it's effects among all age groups, from kids 6-7 years of age to the elders. I had a very detailed discussion with an 8 year old recently about what he wants people to improve on. This happened after he got into a fight with his parents and told them they do not understand! Parents, who as per the child, are not able to understand his 8 year old point of view! So when he had calmed down some after having 2 bowls of ice-cream, I asked him what did he mean. He patiently explained that most of the times when he gets into a mischief, he knows that he has done something he was not supposed to as soon as he has done it. And now the dilemma occurs whether to tell or not, whether to accept the mistake or not. Because apparently, this kid has already made a pact with himself never to repeat that mistake as he knows the consequences now. But if he tells his parents, he will be punished even after learning the lesson and feeling guilty. And if he does not tell, isn't that lying? he wonders. The wistfulness in his voice is heart-breaking when he says, "I wish there was someone who could understand this feeling. I feel so lonely sometimes."
The next discussion was with a cousin who is a girl of 28 whose parents are scanning the matrimonial sites day and night to find a good match for her. They have their own list of filter criteria like age, education, religion, caste, family back-ground and what not. But when the girl says that she wants to check the sunsign of these prospective grooms to see if she will ever be compatible with them, a heated debate follows where parents trash this idea as absurd. This cousin of mine is scared and puzzled. She is a shy creature with an eccentric personality and tremendous potential to achieve greatness. When she talks about the situation she says, "How can they be sure that an educated and religious guy will always be great but find it weird that sunsign may also be a good approach to check compatibility. Haven't we seen some examples in our family where all these factors proved irrelevant when some couples were concerned. Why can't they try to look at the things from this angle for once. What if I get stuck with someone who has no regard for my way of life. Why does no one understand where I am coming from. Oh, I feel so lonely sometimes".
Ironically, the next discussion that I had was with this girl's mother. She says she just wants to ensure her daughter's safe and secure future. She knows that her criteria are not fool-proof but is confident that they work ninety percent of the times. She however has no idea what this sunsign crap is and has no intention of exploring something that she deems inconsequential. She however is heartbroken over her daughter's frustration and anger towards her and says , " I know what is good for her. I am trying my best to ensure her happiness. I am willing to adjust some of the factors if I am convinced that they will deliver a better result. I am ready to fight the whole world, including my husband if it's required to keep my child safe. Why doesn't she understand that. Why doesn't anyone understand that. Oh, I feel so lonely sometimes,"
And last but not the least, I remember the far away look in my grand-mother's eyes whenever we went for walks after my grandfather, her husband of 60 years passed away. She never suspected her family's love and devotion for her. She sometimes said that we all have given her immense strength to continue. But she had lost that will to live when my Nana left. Though she never would have said that in words, she felt extremely lonely in-spite of the crowd surrounding her till the day she herself passed away.
So what is this stage that we all have come to? And where do we go from here? How do we start feeling more connected, heard, understood and less lonely. I guess the only way is to start with one conversation at a time, full of empathy and a will to listen, absorb, analyse and then respond. Those of us, who still can act should take up this responsibility and start reaching out to their loved ones. Otherwise loneliness is something that will kill all of us brutally, and long before any other climatic and environmental conditions gets a chance to complete the task.
Ending this post with some lines from my favorite author
इसका सोचा भी ना था अबके जो तन्हा गुज़री
वह क़यामत ही गनीमत थी जो यकजा गुज़री
आ गले तुझको लगा लूँ मेरे प्यारे दुश्मन
एक मेरी बात नहीं, तुझपे भी क्या क्या गुज़री
मेरी तन्हा-सफ़री मेरा मुक्कदर थी 'फ़राज़ '
वर्ना इस शहरे-तमन्ना से तो दुनिया गुज़री
(अहमद फ़राज़ )
